can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
