omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Randomize
