If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
