I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
