your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
