I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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