also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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