Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
