at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
