It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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