I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
