so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
