Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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