i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
