After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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