yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
