Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Randomize
