he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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