i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
