Someone shit on the floor
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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