Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
