Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
