I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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