I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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