Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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