i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
