He kissed a someone with a penis
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
