she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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