I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
