i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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