when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize