So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
