Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
