Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
