Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
