To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
