Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
