Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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