I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
