Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
