Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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