if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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