You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
