My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
