There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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