I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
