My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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