Having a random hookup so left but love u
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
