I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
