My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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