I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
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She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
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We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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