Even the bartender felt bad for me
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
