last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
