A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
