i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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