The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
