She is in my trunk
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You've changed since you got that strap on
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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