I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
