Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
