I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize