the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
