I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
