at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
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I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
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I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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