why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
