im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
