hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
