You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
