Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
