even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.