R you on birth control?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.