a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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