Texts From Last Night

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  (616): View more from Michigan

  its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true

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  (616): its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true http://tfl.nu/528i
  Replies (4) Good night (1905) Bad night (1284)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.

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  (314): so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for. http://tfl.nu/ue3g
  Replies (16) Good night (4187) Bad night (966)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo

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  (717): i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo http://tfl.nu/9iyh
  Replies (5) Good night (835) Bad night (3203)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow

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  (203): spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow http://tfl.nu/sj2l
  Replies (13) Good night (5442) Bad night (1124)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.

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  (260): Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens. http://tfl.nu/pxin
  Replies (31) Good night (11609) Bad night (1289)
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  (949): View more from California

  Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?

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  (949): Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk? http://tfl.nu/zd5j
  Replies (5) Good night (3402) Bad night (961)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday

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  (706): My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday http://tfl.nu/gbim
  Replies (8) Good night (5261) Bad night (1049)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.

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  (865): In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly. http://tfl.nu/9uwy
  Replies (10) Good night (820) Bad night (4238)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.

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  (610): One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings... (610): And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually. http://tfl.nu/lwux
  Replies (3) Good night (1477) Bad night (429)
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  (716): View more from New York

  my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question

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  (716): my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question http://tfl.nu/fvr6
  Replies (7) Good night (595) Bad night (968)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway

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  (262): say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway http://tfl.nu/917j
  Replies (16) Good night (1276) Bad night (492)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.

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  (218): We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand. http://tfl.nu/ljk5
  Replies (2) Good night (544) Bad night (610)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...

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  (989): I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase... http://tfl.nu/38c4
  Replies (2) Good night (464) Bad night (390)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.

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  (214): In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman. http://tfl.nu/e6dh
  Replies (0) Good night (713) Bad night (318)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??

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  (319): Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE?? http://tfl.nu/27co
  Replies (4) Good night (645) Bad night (507)

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