I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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