C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Randomize
