The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
