It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
