you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
my poor anus
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
