Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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