I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
