I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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